Mishmash

Maddy turned seven on Wednesday, and I still have to pinch myself to realize how lucky we are to have that family living close enough now to celebrate these days with.  Click here for other pictures

Unfortunately, Maddy's birthday happened to fall on crazy times for me.  I was scheduled to get the counter installed that morning and was waiting around for the guys to show up when I got a panic phone call from work.  We're in the final stages of our move to a new building, only the new building isn't finished yet.  Everything's getting crazy at work with all we've got going on.  I guess I'm indispensable right now, mostly because I file things in a way nobody else can find them.  So there was a panic call and I ended up leaving the house unlocked with a note and raced down to work.  Later I raced home, after the guys had left.  I confess I was really looking forward to seeing the countertop.  But instead of seeing this:

All I saw was this:

And though that line where the joints come together is less than a sixteenth inch wide, it could have been the Grand Canyon in my eyes.  It stuck out.  It was obvious and ugly and ALL I could see when I looked at the counter top.  Here was this stunning piece of rock and I could not see past the seam.  I just kept thinking, "Here I am, stuck with this installation the rest of my mortal life." 

Actually, it was quite humbling.  As I thought about it, the line was telling me I had crossed over that line into the valley of PRIDE.  It was not a pretty place to be.  

Instead of being grateful for the wonders of God's nature, and for the beauty of this world, and the amazing art of turning stone into something so beautiful, I was working myself into a fit of despair over one small joint.  How many times do we do that in life?   Focus on something trivial and miss the big picture?  We allow that to color so many things in our decision processes.  It is one of Satan's tools, I am sure, and definitely related to pride.

I did express my concerns to the person who sold me the granite (BJ is the son of one of the doctors I've worked for and I have a lot of respect for both his parents).  He said it was all solvable.  I didn't know how, but yesterday one of the men who installed it returned to the house and spent several hours working, and this is the result:

Doesn't look a lot different in the photos - one's light, the other is dark, but I like the dark better. 

I think it's been a good experience for me.  I have taken a step back and tried to honestly evaluate what I was becoming with this kitchen, and decided I really don't like being that kind of person.  I'm grateful for the new advances in appliances that help make life easier and grateful for the opportunity to have them in my home, I am grateful for the beauty of very fine quality work and a brother who puts so much of himself into each thing he builds, I am grateful for Brent and all the effort he's put into getting the kitchen done and for Bill and his sacrifices to make the walls and ceilings look so good.   And I would be very dishonest if I didn't say I'm really really really grateful we're getting closer to having a functioning kitchen again.  This has been a tough experience and it's good to see some light at the end of the tunnel. 

But the kitchen is not me, my home is not me.  It's just a place to create our life.  And it did a darn good job of it before, and I anticipate it will continue to do so after this project is completed.  But more than anything else I've had to come to grips with the fact that things do not dictate the person I am.  The way I obsess about things, however, will dictate who I become.  And I do not want to be the person full of pride I've been becoming.  It's time for me to do some major changing, and remodel myself into someone who is full of gratitude and humility for the many blessings I've been given.  That's a remodel project that can make a difference!