White spots and dizziness

I've mentioned the vertigo, but haven't really posted anything about it for a while.  When we flew to Texas the end of May and I stood to disembark the plane, suddenly the world was spinning almost as strong as if I had just stepped off a merry-go-round.  I ended up clinging to Brent's arm just to keep from crashing into walls.  The next day I was worse.  I couldn't even stand up without feeling like I was going to throw up, and we ended up spending the afternoon at an Urgent Care Center nearby.  That was definitely not what we were planning on doing in Texas.

Long story short, the vertigo never left me.  I still battle it on a daily basis, though it has at least calmed down enough that I can function.  But if I move fast, or turn my head quickly, or reach down to pull a weed, it raises it's hideous head and reminds me that it has not gone away.  And it is always there, always in the back of my mind, literally.

So a week ago I went back to Dr. MacArthur and told him I was tired of going the "take-two-antihistamines-and-call-me-in-the-morning" route, and was ready to fight it aggressively.  Obviously the other way is not working.  So he put me on a Z-pack (antibiotics) and a Medrol pack (cortisone) and told me if I did not get effective resolution after a few days on those, he would order an MRI for me.

Monday I had the MRI.

When a person goes in for a scan, there is always the possibility they'll find something they were not being scanned for.  The scan was to rule out tumor or other factors causing the dizziness, which it did.  The word Meniere's Disease was used, a term I've been trying hard to avoid because it seems to insinuate that the condition won't go away overnight.  But even more frightening for me is the term "white matter disease."

I was visiting with Dr. Gibby last night and he said I had "significant" white matter disease.  That was the clusters of bright dots I saw on the scans.  People with Multiple Sclerosis have similar spots on their brain scans, but this was vascular, and definitely not MS.  He said it is a manifestation of the diabetes and, in answer to my question, yes there are things I can do to prevent it from getting worse.

I can lose weight, eat properly, and exercise more.

Those are the seminary answers for all things related to the physical body.  (Seminary answers are the ones we joke about in the Church as being basic answers to all questions spiritual:  pray, study the scriptures, go to Church...)   But suddenly things start to make sense.  Things like why I have such a problem anymore with words.  I'll go to say something and the word that was on the tip of my tongue, the very common word I have known forever, just flies right out the brain into never never land, and won't return until hours later when the conversation has long passed.  Sometimes, lately, it's easier just to not say anything at all, which is really, really, really not like me.

I am quite frankly frightened by this prognosis.  Yes, I'm grateful I don't have a tumor, but the one thing I've always said is I'm looking forward to growing older as long as I can keep my memory.  Now that is beginning to be a question mark.  After a lifetime of poor eating and exercising habits, can I - WILL I -  be willing to make the changes in my lifestyle that will reverse this trend?  If there are problems going on in the brain, similar problems must be affecting my entire body.

So beginning today I will start a new mission.  I am on a mission to attack my bad habits, to replace them with good ones.  I am on a mission to regain control.  To get healthy and stay healthy.  I have too many things I want to do tomorrow, next month, five years from now, to have a bad memory getting in the way. 

When I was in my early twenties I received my Patriarchal Blessing.  In it I was cautioned to take care of my body.  If I did so, I would live a long life.  Well, this life has just passed so quickly.  And I've kept telling myself that one day I have to take care of this body or I'll pay the price.  That day has arrived.  Only it didn't arrive overnight.  It's been a long process in spite of how quickly it has come. 

And my body is paying the price.  I've been as much as 90 lbs overweight, and still have 70 lbs to lose.  And that scares me because I just can't ever seem to make it past the gate.  But I can't afford to stop at the 5 yd line this time.  I've got to go all the way to the finish.  A couple of weeks ago I joined Weight Watchers with Stephanie and have been just sort of sticking my big toe in, testing the waters.  It's time to quit testing and jump in with all my energy and strength.

Because the things I hold most valuable are now at stake:  my memories of all of you, my precious family, my dear friends, along with the fun times, the good things, the words.  I have to catch them all and hold on to them and not let them go.  I have to stall this and hopefully even reverse it if possible, before it gets any worse.

Lose weight, exercise, eat properly.
Pray, study the scriptures, attend Church often.

Nothing new, nothing spectacular, always effective.