A Whole New World

Should have known  - the sugar binges combined with not renewing my prescriptions just had to add up to disaster, but I wasn't expecting it to take quite the toll it has.

Why is it that our body feels invincible,
     Until the day it's not?

Why is it that we can talk ourselves into believing we are immune to consequences,
     Until the day they happen?

We have such an incredible gift - this body we've been given.  It has a miraculous ability to heal itself and to rebound from self-imposed abuse, and to keep on keeping on ... but

There is a day when it can only take so much.
And then the day of reckoning comes.
And the blood sugars stick too hard,
And the body can't rebound any more on its own,
    Without help.
 

So, faced with the reality of  A1C results coming back a glaring 12.something (like if you know a vampire with a sweet tooth, my blood is pure sugar) following just a little too much of the sweet stuff over the past several months, I'm feeling a lot of panic.

Not to fear, the doctor says.  We can get it under control. 

Myth: If you have type 2 diabetes and your doctor says you need to start using insulin, it means you're failing to take care of your diabetes properly.
Fact: For most people, type 2 diabetes is a progressive disease. When first diagnosed, many people with type 2 diabetes can keep their blood glucose at a healthy level with oral medications. But over time, the body gradually produces less and less of its own insulin, and eventually oral medications may not be enough to keep blood glucose levels normal. Using insulin to get blood glucose levels to a healthy level is a good thing, not a bad one.
- See more at: http://www.diabetes.org/diabetes-basics/myths/#sthash.vAeo5d7O.dpuf

 "Myth: If you have type 2 diabetes and your doctor says you need to start using insulin, it means you're failing to take care of your diabetes properly.

FACT:  For most people, type 2 diabetes is a progressive disease. When first diagnosed, many people with type 2 diabetes can keep their blood glucose at a healthy level with oral medications. But over time, the body gradually produces less and less of its own insulin, and eventually oral medications may not be enough to keep blood glucose levels normal. Using insulin to get blood glucose levels to a healthy level is a good thing, not a bad one."  (American Diabetes Association)

Fact: For most people, type 2 diabetes is a progressive disease. When first diagnosed, many people with type 2 diabetes can keep their blood glucose at a healthy level with oral medications. But over time, the body gradually produces less and less of its own insulin, and eventually oral medications may not be enough to keep blood glucose levels normal. Using insulin to get blood glucose levels to a healthy level is a good thing, not a bad one.  - See more at: http://www.diabetes.org/diabetes-basics/myths/#sthash.vAeo5d7O.dpuf

All it's going to take is just a few needles and some insulin.   I heard the word needle.  I wanted to throw up and pass out at the same moment.  I don't do needles.
Especially the kind I have to poke into myself.

I'm not trying to make light of it.  Really.  I know it's serious.  But needles don't do anyone a lick of anything if the person's out cold on the ground.

With that attitude and that fear,

last night I stared all the paraphernalia in the face

and

took a deep breath

and

learned. 

I learned that fear is bigger than reality.
I learned that I can do this.
I learned that maybe insulin just might be my friend right now.  Just maybe.

It's a whole new world for me.  I'm praying a temporary world.  With efforts at exercise and eating sensibly and staying on my meds and working at being a healthier me, there may come a day when I don't need the insulin anymore.

Or maybe not.  But I can deal with that.  I like it over the alternatives.