Rewind 3 - When "Some Day" becomes "This Day" - part one of two

It's hard to believe it's been over a month now.  Such a busy month with so many things happening, but it was just a month ago Monday that Leo passed away.

As I said earlier, Brent had a business meeting in Chicago during the week following his birthday, and I had elected to join him.  On Tuesday, the 8th, we each went into work in the morning and then came home to pack frantically and throw our bags in the back of the car to head up to the airport for a 4 pm flight.  We stopped at Stonehenge on the way so we could visit with Dad.

He wanted ice.  "I don't know why," he said, "but I sure do like that ice."

I went to get him some.  He had been off both IV and feeding tube since Saturday and it was starting to affect him.  As I headed out the door, he turned to Brent and asked, "Who was she?"

"Dad, that's Julie," Brent explained.  "My wife."

"Oh,"  he paused a minute and then looked at Brent with a strange look and continued, "Who are you?"

It was the last time we'd see him awake.  It was not easy realizing that the few days we would be gone was going to bring major changes to him.  Brent told him we were leaving and would be back by on Saturday.  He seemed to register that and it seemed he registered for that minute that Brent was, at least, someone important to him.

I have already posted the photos from Chicago.  They can be found on my FB page HERE.  But I'll also re-post a few relevant ones here:

(Look, I'm in this, too!)

Dan was working a Hampton Inn in Naperville the week we were in Chicago.  It was so fun getting with him and sharing our time there.  He took me for a drive through Naperville one afternoon.  It's a beautiful area in the outskirts of Chicago.  He also joined us to see Peter and the Starcatcher, which was a fascinating show and a lot of fun.  We shared dinner with him every single night - including the first night where we accidentally ended up at a restaurant called the Chicago Chop House - with our own private piano player/singer and five waiters per person. Yeah.  Should have known.  $80 for one steak - not even counting any sauces or starches or salads or vegetables or anything - but that's what you get when you eat beef that's led a beer bred and pampered life I guess.  It was a total experience.  I just ordered a salad (after an appetizer of the hugest scallops I've ever seen in my life), and ate a little of Brent and Dan's beef.  (They had plenty to share.)   Dan was a sneaker and picked up the tab before we knew what was happening.

The other big splurge was the deep dish pizza we enjoyed.  Still wasn't as good as the one I remembered from about 7 1/2 years ago on my first trip out to Chicago.  But it was fun:

It was a surreal trip.  We knew Leo was not going to be with us much longer.  We knew we'd be coming home to face the funeral and everything else, but for a minute we could be away from all that.  For a minute or two, the load was lifted, and that was exactly what we needed right then. It was good to laugh, even though our hearts were breaking.  It was good to escape, even though our every thought and prayer was still back home.  While Brent was in meetings, I took some morning walks with the camera.  I love seeing places through the eye of the lens.  And then afternoons and evenings were shared with Dan and Brent, and it was a sweet time.

Saturday, April 12, 2014 - Leo Passes Away
We landed in Salt Lake City late Friday night, April 11th.  The next morning, Brent had a haircut appointment after which we both went back to the care center.  Leo had slipped into unconsciousness and was struggling to hold onto the little bit of life that was left in him.  Ann was there with Edna.  Brent gave his father another hug and told him how much he loved him.  But he knew it was time for his dad to go.  He gave him a blessing of release, a beautiful prayer during which Dad seemed to be more at peace.  Ann took her mother home, and we stayed a while longer.  Tonya and Brian brought their boys over.  They had been sick and unable to come earlier in the weeks preceding.   Bill and Stephanie joined us later.  Stephanie knelt and cradled Leo's head in her arms and told him what a wonderful grandfather he had been and how much she loved him.  It was very emotional.   We left Bill with him while we then went to get a bite to eat and complete our Sunday grocery shopping.  We hadn't been home very long when Brent got a phone call from Howard who had come after us to let Brent know his father had passed away.  There was a brief period of time between visitors (after Bill, Elizabeth showed up, and then left) during which his spirit finally shed the bonds of his physically limiting body and he took his first steps into eternity.

The rest of Saturday was spent with Edna.  We called all the children.  There are so many things to do when someone near you passes away.  Brent was very involved with helping with all the details.  That evening we took Grandma to Porters Place for dinner where we found the back tables thankfully empty and a great place for a private meal.  Heather came down to work on music for the funeral with Tonya and they all joined us for dinner.  Later Bill and Stephanie joined up with their girls to enjoy ice cream for dessert.  It was just a good evening.

Sunday, April 13, 2014 - Farewell Dinner for Leslie Harms
On Sunday we took a break and had dinner with Leslie and her sister Angie.  This was our last time with our dear friend Leslie before she left on Monday for Texas - living near her Angie.  We miss her but are grateful she's had this opportunity to move forward with her life.  I thought for sure I took photos at that meal, but I can't find one.  Did I just not pull out the camera (very unlike me) or did I accidentally delete them from the card thinking I had transferred them already?????   Leslie, we are missing you and I feel bad I don't have that photo of you and Angie I was sure I took - or was I just intending to take.

This meal was supposed to be a Leslie-worthy take off and it turned out to be a total anything but.  The entire week had been spent preparing for the funeral and eeking in hours at work when I could.  Even though my contribution never came to fruition (I spent hours and hours working on a special ending Heather thought of for the song she and Branch sang, but it never came together enough in time enough), the time was still robbed from me.  I didn't get Leslie's book done (still working on it), we didn't get Leslie's big Texan boots and stars decorations made, and even the Texan cupcakes we were planning fell by the wayside.  No Texan blue bells or yellow roses.  Just us.  In all our sorrowful, grieving selves.

And on Monday morning she drove out of our lives and after five years of having her as one of our family, it's been hard to have her gone at this time. We are thrilled for her new opportunities and its so fun seeing photos of her on Facebook with her new life being an important part of her sister's family, but it felt like we lost not one but two people in our lives that weekend.  We realize her need to go forward, but she will always be part of our family to us.

All that week turned into a fog and its amazing I was able to function at all.   Dan flew in from Chicago late Wednesday and Sean flew in from Baltimore on Thursday (still suffering from a kidney stone that had kept him in ER on Tuesday night with vomiting so severe he blew a vessel in his eye).

Friday I put some time in at the Women's Expo for work.    There is proof I was there, but not much.  Susan G. Komen Foundation helped in our booth this year to promote breast cancer awareness and this cute girl was there helping with it.  

Friday, April 18, 2014 - The Viewing
As soon as a coworker showed up to relieve me, I was home.  Friday night was the viewing at Wing Mortuary.  The number of flowers was overwhelming.  The response from friends and members of the community even more so.

Brent had ordered about 80 pins that were like the one Leo wore on his lapel.   Mike prepared a card to go with them and Brent gave them out to all the family members so we could all wear "Leo's pin."

There was a back story on the pins because the person he ordered them from could not even begin to get enough (like he had maybe 8 of them).  He was trying to sell Brent a different Army pin, and Brent finally explained why it had to be this particular one.  At that point, this good veteran took it on himself to go to all his competitors and buy out every pin he could find and send them to us.  We ended up with over 60 pins.  The others will come as soon as they get stock back in, but we had enough at least for those who were there (except some of the youngest babies - who did notice, and ended up with their parent's pins).  We still owe pins to a lot of people and will get them sent as soon as we receive them.

Mark's family all showed up with Micky Mouse ties and Disney - that was really Leo's big love.  The war thing became a recent obsession, but the Leo the kids all remembered was the one who took them on the teacups and other rides at Disneyland.  Mark's family, especially, got to enjoy that side of him, going at least annually for most of their children's childhood years, but I remember him taking Tonya on the teacups on our one trip to Disneyland with them back in 1984.

At the viewing, as I said, there were flowers - lots and lots of flowers.  Every single basket, arrangement, and spray gave us comfort and helped at this time.  They were absolutely beautiful.

The casket piece was an incredible work of art!

This stunning arrangement was sent from Seth's family

Gorgeous stand floral from the Holbrooks

The red and white arrangement came from dear friends in Washington, the Alstons.  The basket directly below was to me from Dr. Gibby and the people from work.  (And, yes, I am behind on getting thank yous sent!)

From my parents and siblings.  Thank you so much. I love it!

Edna's Gardenia.   Leo always gave her gardenias.  She had a fresh corsage again the next morning as a gift from the florist shop as well.

Dan and Bill

It was good to have so many family members - all the kids and the grandkids and the great-grandkids -  who came to lend support to our dear matriarch Edna.   She was regal that evening, so gracious as always.  Mark and Kathy, Ann, Howard, Brent, Bill and Stephanie especially had spent as much time as possible with her during the week.  Kathy took her shopping for a new dress.  Brent put in some time at work but a lot of time with his mother as well.   Stephanie has been over the top caring for her.  None of this is nothing new, however.   The care from her loved ones was there before Leo died, continued during the events leading up to his funeral, and has not stopped since.  I wish I could help her more, but am so grateful for those who are there for her.

I did not take photos during the viewing.  I wish I had some now, but we didn't have a formal line and I mingled with those who came.  It was a healing thing to receive the strength and care we received from those who came, those who sent cards and letters and those who even made comments on line and gave us a call.  Thank you to everyone for your support and love during this time.

(It's late and I need to get to piano lessons, so I will cover the Saturday funeral events on the next post.)